Ethics and Living Longer

My mother died this July 21st at the age of 84, which is 3 years passed the average. Those three years, though, were not all that great. She suffered from sever dementia and at the end did not recognize her children are even communicate. It leaves me wondering what the gift is of long life when those years are not lived in good health?

The life expectancy of people in the United States of America in 1914 was 52 for men and 56 for women. In those 100 years we have done an incredible job of creating a healthier community. Today life expectancy is 75.9 for men and 81.2 for women. We have eradicated diseases that once wiped out 1000's of people (though there is an idiotic movement calling for parents not to vaccinate their children). We have identified ways to help people recover from heart disease and other ailments that once meant certain death. Our medical advances are just incredible.

The problem is that our ethics just have not kept up with the realities that come from living longer. Just ask any family that has struggled to come to terms with their 90 year old father refusing cancer treatments, as if living passed 90 would be a huge benefit if you are struggling from the horrors of the cancer treatments themselves. I have had the honor of being present with individuals who struggle to die well while their daughter or son screams at the doctor to "save" their parent.

It is time for us to have long extended conversations about the ethics of living longer. We need to help people have conversations around these questions: How do we die well? What medical procedures do we expect to be done when we have lived past a certain age? How do we make decisions around when to pursue cure  vs. palliative care? At what age might one be allowed to decide to die in one's own terms? These questions obviously are not inclusive of all the issues.

I love my mother. I am glad that she lived long enough to see her grandchildren grow into young adults. I am glad that she was able to celebrate life milestones while she was able. But, it was hard watching her slowly lose her mental and  physical abilities to the point where she did not interact with her surroundings at all. It is a bittersweet time for us. Bitter because we 5 boys no longer have a mother. Sweet because we no longer need to watch her suffer.